he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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