this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
