I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
