I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
