Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
