Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
