I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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