so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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