Umm I'm too high to move.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
