last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
