This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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