i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
