So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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