i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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