What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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