Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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