Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
