Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
