I'm passing your future prison.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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