remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
