I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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