Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
