I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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