You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
