How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
