I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
