everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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