Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
