tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
