i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
