he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
