My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
These tits shall not be calmed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
