Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
