She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
