i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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