pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
