you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
