Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
