found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
