It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
