I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize