so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
