how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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