Your dad touched me again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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