I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
