your thong is hanging out like whoa
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
