went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
