My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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