she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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