that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
