Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
