"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Houston, we have a blender
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need a beard to bite.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
