i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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