Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
