He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
