I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
