i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
