Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize