Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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