I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize