Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
