Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
