I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
