so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
