I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
