Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
