he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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