haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize