craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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