just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
